The hole in my heart where shopping used to be

Its so sad.  The reality of day care and new home expenses has hit me like ton of bricks. Add in the 4 days that I was out with Kylie or myself being sick  and it equals short paychecks so I've barely squeaked by.  Its not like Nick isn't there to back me up, but I have my household related financial responsibilities and he has the rest.  I just hate the feeling of not having everything covered without a second thought.  What has suffered even more than my PTO bank is the opportunity to partake in my favorite hobby: shopping. The has been a void in my life that I have never know before.  I miss the thrill of the hunt, and the exhilaration felt after a good purchase, even the occasional case of buyers remorse.  I miss treasure hunting in Marshal's Homegoods junk section and I can't even remember the last time I have been to the Galleria.

Then today, in a moment of responsible consumer I did this-

No, its not all my credit cards, but the ones I haven't used in a while. So sad.

I guess burried in my shopping hiatus is a lesson of disipline and will power - both of which I hate. I heart aches for a good old fashion spending spree.   I work hard, and when you can't blow off steam you are working to survive, and that's not the experience I want out of life.  I like things.  I want things; and I can't wait to resume my quest to accumulate all the things my little heart desires! Instead, I will wait patiently until my time comes... and it will come!

Misunderstood

I believe somewhere along the way there was a horrible breakdown of communication, or people have completely forgotten what sarcasm is. No matter how you slice it - sarcasm is not easily interpreted in text and that get me into trouble. I'd like to think that anyone who knows me would understand that and before jumping to conclusions just imagine me saying what I'm saying with a smirk and an eye roll and realize that I'm just being a smartass....But sadly, no.


I try to be the truest form of me in every situation: around family, with my friends, at work, on message boards, at home. Even my husband gets tired of my smart mouth. He once told me that since we are both sarcastic people, it causes us to clash. And we do, but at the end of the day, he knows that I know its just how we are. I know my family gets me, even though I can always piss my Mom off with my comments. My best co-worker friend get me, probably because we are so alike. My friends get me, we can usually have a few good laughs, but years of my personality may have just desensitized them. There are a few holdouts, though, that I don't think get me yet. This worries me because things tens to snowball when the wrong people misunderstand me.


If I have ever crossed a line, I have no problem being called out. I'd like to know when something I've said pisses you off so I won't make that mistake again. But, please please please don't go all passive agressive on me! Backhanded comments and silly games are for high schoolers, and the last time I checked none of us were in high school anymore.


So what brings this up you may wonder. A few situations have come up that I just can't wrap my head around. The first place I try to look, its at myself to see what I may have done to receive such a response. This time I'm having a hard time seeing what it was that I did, and its really getting to me. If I've just been a downright hater (and I'll admit it happens), I'll own it and try to improve. But I respectfully request: IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY- PLEASE, JUST SAY IT ALREADY. Let's hear it. Let's duke it out so we can move the heck on. I don't exactly enjoy confrontation, but shoot, whatever solves the problem!

Worse case scenario - you want to just write me off. I can't stop you. I wish you wouldn't because, I am actually a loyal and fun person. I am a placator by nature, Libras are famous people pleasers. Do what you have to do, I understand, I've done the same thing for lesser reasons.

The courtesy interview

You may not know if you have ever been courtesy interviewed.  Here are a few signs you may have been courtesy interviewed:
- you were recommended by a close friend/co-worker of the hiring manager (further, bringing you in could be felt as an obligation to the hiring manager)
- during the interview, the questions were very broad or very loosely related to the job you thought you were being interviewed for
- there was little to no mention of the job you thought you were there for
- at no time were salary requirements discussed
- it lasted less than 30 minutes
- you were not invited back for a second interview


I think it is a misleading and disappointing practice.  The firm I work at humors its Partners and some referrers by having courtesy interviews.  Straight-up, that's what we call them.  I really don't think its a courtesy to anyone.  It a waste of time for me (the interviewer), to have to see someone we know we are not going to hire.  Its a let down to the applicant who thinks you have honest interest in them.  It seems like it would be a slap in the face to the referrer, too.  I think I'd rather know up front, if my referral was not a fit. Period, the end.  I can't think of one courtesy interview where we met a person and were so completely wowed by them we hired them, or thought of them again when a postion did come open.  Maybe, we have passed them along to other  places where they could be a fit, but for the most part, its a courtesy, and nothing more. I reject the idea of the courtesy interview. 
Last week, I believe I was the victim of such a practice.  I was recommended highly by a colleague for a position I was pretty interested in.  I emailed, and was immeditaly invited in for an interview, no phone interview, no questions asked. My senses were raised, but I chalked it up to my advocate who had raved about me to the hiring manager.  I arrived, suited up and ready to go.  I was so incredibly nervous, becasue so much rode on this meeting.  I think I was asked 2 or 3 very open ended questions about my experience, and  the rest of the time was filled with me reaching for questions to fill the awkward silences.  I was out after 45 minutes.  Considering my experience conducting interviews, this one did not look good.
Since I've had a few days to think about it, I suppose I should be releived. It wasn't for me.  When a door closes, another opens, right?  Even so, I'm still mad that someone put on the act as if they had interest in me as a potential employee, when clearly, their mind was made up otherwise.
Now, I won't know the actual outcome until Wednesday, and I am definately not holding my breath.  I will be beside myself if  I get any news other than confirming my hunch.
So to all my friend out there looking for a job, I warn you of the courtesy interview.  It probably doesn't happen all that often, as most employers are so overwhelmed by applicants right now, the thought of bringing someone in who you KNOW you won't hire is a ridiculous practice, but it happens.  So I sympathize with the disappointment you may feel.  I'm right there with ya.  My quazi-job search continues....

Valentine's Day

I awoke this monrning with a head about to explode with snot. You ahould hear me, I can't breathe in, or out thru my nose.  Needless to say, I feel like a million bucks... Hubs went on his usual morning bike ride and I hunkered down for a morning with Kylie, who happens to be the best Valentine ever.  This morning she cheerfully awoke at 6:05 with coos and squeals.  I retrieved her from her crib and brought her to be with us where she was so hyper she just bounced back and forth between Nick and me.  She wants to crawl so bad, and she gets into position but she won't put it into action yet. I should probably be releived.  So she just drags herself around by her arms and grabs any parts of our face that she can get her hands on, and give us big slobbery baby kisses (fyi- baby kisses are not unlike puppy dog kisses.)

We are going to drop her off at grandma and grandpa's in a little while so we can go do out Valentines day thing.  I'm debating whether or no to indulge in the bottomless mimosas or not...its been so long, I tempted to do it just to test my tolerance. Speaking of indulge, this will also be my last indulgence of the food variety until our trip to New Branufels next month.  These last 10 pounds are sitting happy on my frame, but I want them gone, and a month should be more than enough time to get it done.  I have to say, I'm keeping in line with the "9 months up and 9 months back" rule of thumb.  of course its possible to do it sooner,  and lord knows it can take longer, but I think 9 months pretty much sums it up. It also exposes my unrealistic expectations for myself when I first came home.  Dieting and breastfeeding were enemies, and my body was in a state of shock until probably about 3 months postpartum. 

I've been busy dreaming up stuff to write about, but I think I have hit a wall. Nothing seems interesting enough to really speak about.  I hope to be able to elaborate on some of my more passionate points:

• toxic friends
• haters
• redecorating
• jobs
• an old school picture blog!!!

I just don't have the steam right now to get into it.

I hope that everyone stays tuned until I do.  Go out today and enjoy the ones you love and remember why you love them!  Take some cool pictures and finish out the weekend on a high note! Love is in the air!

The wheels on the bus

Yesterday's ride home on the bus brought me an interesting run-in. The line on the corner for the 246 was almost a block long because one of the 5:30 busses had broken down and the riders had to be redistributed. I finally got on the 3rd bus back and it was packed to almost standing room only. When it starts to get full like that people will ask before they get on if there are any seats or how many seats are available. That is when a few busy body riders turn into ushers and make it their personal responsibility to take inventory of the empty seat and direct those boarding to them. These people get on my nerves. Today the lady across the aisle from me looks around and yells to the front "there are about 5 in the back." I snap my head up immediately because I know that voice. I look up and see an old co-worker/friend from back in my restaurant days. This chick was SO cool. I used to idolize her so much. She was funny as hell, so down to earth, and like the big sister I never had. I had so much fun working with her and I was fascinated by her. She was fresh out of college at the time and living at home. She was not extraordinarily beautiful or anything, quite average actually, but that is why I liked her. She was poised, and put together and looked like a Gap ad but before Gap got all weird and sloppy. As restaurant job usually go, we both moved on and I didn't see her for a long time until I ran into her at starbucks. She looked the same, but even more polished with a air of maturity. She had a new LV on her shoulder and in her hand a matching wallet. I went up to her and said hi, and we chatted briefly while we waited for our drinks. I learned that she got a job as a paralegal and was doing quite well. I was so impressed that she was doing do well for herself.



Skip to yesterday. When she turned to say hi, I noticed that her face was fuller. I scanned her hair and it was stringy and in the back it looked unbrushed like she had rolled out of bed after a night of really hard sleep. Her coat was a men's style navy blue puffer style coat, not unlike the kind my husband is issued at work. Her LV purse was replaced by a light gold Kathy Van Zeeland bag that had seen better days. The conversation was short because we were talking over the person sitting between us. I was so weirded out that she had changed so much. When she got off the bus, the full view wasn't much better. I don't know what her marital situation is but she reminded me of the "cat lady." This girl was worlds different from the LV toting working woman I had seen a few years back. I'm still trying to wrap my head around how she changed into this. Its not like people aren't allowed to get older or gain weight or dye their hair - its more like when a body builder becomes obese...extreme opposites! I just can't help wonder why...how...? Weird...




ps- I'm blogging while sick- that is my excuse.

Things, things and more things

OHHH, I'm so sorry for neglecting my blog, its has been a busy/tiring/yet nice weekend.

I'll just start from when Kylie got sick.  Cough, cold, gagging, projectile vomiting, the whole 9 yards.  I have been thrown up upon, but not with the gusto that my daughter managed to muster. One minute she is smiling, then coughing, then gagging, then...wait for it...BARF EVERYWHERE.  It was one of those wonderful mommy moments. I guess I should be glad she went almost 6 month before catching anything.  I'll chalk it up to the gift of breast milk for 3 months.

So I was in and out of work last week because of it. I was seriously tired and semi delirious.  Nick and I were doing out crabby bickering that we have become so good at when we are both sleep deprived and pissy.  We made it through the week without inflicting any bodily harm on one another, and we both sighed in relief as Kylie began showing signs of improvement.

Saturday my BFF and Kylie ventured to the mall. Oh lord, I had been away for faaar too long.  Dillards washaving their semi annual shoe clearance, which has always proven to be a fruitful source of awesome shoes, but no luck this trip.  I did get some things at express (thank you fast cash!!)  I even bought a shirt at Franchesca's and totally avoided going into XXI in an attempt to keep my "quality not quantity" resolution from new year's.  It was one of those rare occasions when you have money to spend but can't find any thing worthwhile to spend it on. Wouldn't it just figure?  I really can't wait for the last 6 lbs to be gone so I can get back into my old jeans.  Buying new ones is not a option. It is SO HARD to find decent jeans that look good.  I'd just as soon wait for the old ones to fit than go buy some temporary jeans.  I think the place I most want to go shopping, is my closet, where I can put on all the cute clothes I packed up to make room for the maternity clothes about this time last year.

Sunday, we were up bright and early - I'm talking 4:30 am - so we waited until 8 and went to Cracker Barrel for some pancakes.  So good....I made a deal with myself that it would be ok, as long as I used sugar free syrup.  I missed nothing.  If you are familiar with the CB commercials, then you know its "half restaurant, half store - all country."  Being the shop-a-holic that I am, even I can find something to buy at a Cracker Barrel Store.  Dionnis Hand Lotion in Love. O.M.G. it smells SO good!  I had wanted it ever since I went there when I was pregnant.  I highly recommend going to your local CB to pick it up. Later, I snuck away for an hour or 2 to go treasure hunting at Marshall's Homegoods.  That place is like the pot 'o gold at the end of the rainbow.  The finds there can be amazing.  I did a pretty good comb of the store, but only came out with a few odds and ends: A big thing of TiGi shampoo, sheets, a Max Studio shirt, (another) velour Polo warm-up suit for Kylie - this one is purple!  Even though my intention was to buy stuff for the house, the minute I get in there I loose focus, which is how I end up with the above mentioned purchases. There is SO much I want to get for the house, but I don't know where to start!  After consulting Nick, the obvious answer was to concentrate on one room at a time. (Duh).  So I'm excited to get my art project going for the bedroom, and find a bathrom set for the bathroom. It will be slow going, so I'll have to use all that good judgment I have (haha!) to not get impatient and just charge the whole thing!

I don't really care much about the super bowl.  As a matter of fact,  I can't wait for this "Who dat" business to go away. 

Which brings me to today...I've been ups since about 2:15 am. Kylie was screaming her pretty little head off.  I have to say I almost lost my shit a few times. I know its not her fault, but to be tired, have her hysterical and not know how to help is the worst feeling.  I went with my instincts and said home to sleep in with her and took her to the doctor.  Just as I figured, she has an ear infection, a pretty severe one from what she said.  My poor bebe. Now, she is in an Amoxicillin and Tylenol induced slumber, but I know she's hurting, which in turn hurts me.  It her first of many ear infections, I'm sure, so I should get used to it.  i'm going to snap a picture of her anyway to put in her baby book. February 8, 2010 - first ear infection.  Yes, I'm that sentiMENTAL. haha

ok, ok, I need to go take care of some stuff.  Days like these I know my energy is better spent at home, but Its not in the cards for me...yet.  I hope to return soon to regualr blogging and being able to share my awesome stories and witty banter.

I love tax time!

Woop Woop! The tax man is giving back this year! I'm soo excited to get that deposited into the account! The initial plan of getting a new car was scrapped this weekend. After much discussing (read: arguing) we decided to pay off the little debt we have and put some money into some minor house projects, oh, and go shopping of course! The new Nordstrom Rack opens 2/10, just in time for me to go for a little shopping trip with my bestie. Back in the day we would be road tripping it to one of our shopping meccas but those days are past. I told myself this year no more buying clothes just because they are cheap (even though I love a bargain). Believe me, I would make a special trip back to HEB to recoup the $5.45 they over charged me, but there's something about a nice shiny pair of shoes and a rich looking dress that fits just perfect - no matter the price!  Ahhh, simple pleasures!


This weekend I went to a shower for a long time friend of Nick's. She is so fun - which reminds me I need to upload and send pictures to her! I'm even more excited for the wedding. Its almost like I'm getting married again, but vicariously through her. I love when all the friends are able to get together and have a good time, and it will be a much needed good time for me!! Not to mention Kylie's first road trip and wedding!


Other than that this weekend was kinda a wash. I stayed close to home and Sunday just nursed a sick baby. Its so sad to see her all sick, even though its just a cold/cough, it sounds horrible. He cough sounds like seals are living in her windpipe!


I guess I've been kinda lazy, and neglectful my my blog and my readers.  I've had some good inspiration, but not the time to write. Plus sometimes, what I really want to write about, I can't, so its just safer for me to just stay away from my keyboard when those moments hit me. Arg, sefl-imposed censoring.  Damn you, Jiminy Cricket!!